So, it’s 6.49 am right now, and I have been awake for about two hours already. The first one of them laying in the bed, turning and tossing, and then, finally understanding that I really wouldn’t sleep any more, and thus getting up.
I am not totally sure why I couldn’t sleep in the first place (I’m not an early bird-kind of type, normally, so this is a bit out of my regular schedule). But I do know that once awake, my brain started thinking, over-thinking, ruminating, producing a trillion words, texts, thoughts, conversations… Most of this all circling around a topic from yesterday, something I eagerly wanted to talk about with Anna, but she was of course asleep and I had my senses well enough gathered as to not wake her up too, to jump into this topic with me.
Instead, I think I wrote a whole blog post about it – in my head, that is – which wasn’t helpful (because of that head-fact). So when I finally got up, it was with the idea that I would indeed put those words “to paper” (as in, “to computer”). Instead of them getting stickier and stickier in my head. Phew.
So, up I went. Brought my phone with me, and turned it on – and I’m a bit unsure why, exactly…it’s just a habit I guess. Since I most often put on music when I get up, for example. Anyhow – turning on the phone, I got a notification from instagram. Which made me curious. So then I opened the app. And instead of checking only the thing I was curious about, I saw a post that interested me. And then another one – and believe it or not, yet another one.
Now, I use instagram mostly for information from sources I find interesting, as in politics, environmental and social justice-stuff and so on. So it was all “good”, in that sense (that I got to know a few things that actually felt giving and important to me). But still so – the whole text that was “ready” to come out of my head into written words, sort of disappeared. Which is not a disaster, in any way – words that want to come out will come out, eventually in any case.
But still. That feeling of the clock being only 6 am, the magical feeling of (for once) being an early bird, and with the chance of arriving into, say, 8 am and already feeling “fulfilled”, in the sense of already having “done” something that feels important and “productive”…started to slip out of my hands. I mean, it’s totally fine to do whatever one wants to, really. I guess I just appreciate the early morning thing so so much, since it’s so rare for me to experience it (you can’t be both a night owl AND an early riser, you kind of need to choose between them).
So, I put away the phone, and started writing here instead. A little scribble, perhaps. And not the informative text I was writing in my head an hour ago. That’s fine. And maybe, just maybe, this little rambling now helped me to get back into myself enough to start catching the words on that topic again. Because it was an important one – important enough to keep me awake at five in the morning. Important enough to make me think back to my studies almost 20 years ago(!), and wanting to research more about that, again. So yeah. Definitely worth some effort, now.
Just another sip of coffee, first, and then I’m ready, I think.
Good morning, everyone!